Matters of the Heart and Cosplay: My Girlfriend is a Cosplayer

Click pic for sauce
Click pic for sauce

Let’s take a break from the heavier posts and move on to something lighter, like romance. Ah yes, love, a topic that never gets too old to discuss. So, show of hands, how many of you fine young men/women are dating a cosplayer? Okay, hands down.

Actually, the idea for this post came after reading this Kotaku article about a cosplayer and her secret boyfriend. I shared it on my FB feed too. The article is a viewpoint from a normal person disengaged with the hobby of cosplay, yet his girlfriend is a cosplayer. I kinda understood his qualms; he’s in the same situation as secret boyfriends of idol groups (we all know the “Golden Rule” is bullshit, people). The topic is also popular at the cosplay sub-Reddit. I need to use a VPN to browse Reddit, it loads really slowly. Thanks, Indonesian government!

I’ve been with cosplaying girlfriends before (although the relationships only lasted for a short period) and thought I might throw in my two cents as a cosplayer who had cosplaying girlfriends. My current girlfriend is also obsessed with cosplay, just FYI.

Jealousy Exists

Perhaps the number one problem you encounter when you have a cosplaying girlfriend, especially if she’s attractive in costume, is attention from other boys which just spark your jealousy. That’s especially true if you’re attending the event as her support since you don’t have matching costumes.

I have to admit, when I attended an event with my ex (I forgot what her costume was; heck, she’s dead to me now), we weren’t wearing matching costumes. When people, especially the men, wanted to take photos, I humbly stepped aside and watched them take photos with my girlfriend. When she met her friends  in matching costumes (surprisingly, a majority male), I felt left out. That became the start of the fight which ended the relationship. I let jealously drive me into the sea (like if you know the reference).

It really does hurt a bit, seeing someone your girlfriend get more attention than you, but hey, that’s how events go. But, there’s always chances to show your alpha-ness. If she’s attractive, some guys are bound to hit on her. Double points if she’s wearing a costume that shows some skin. When guys hit on her, don’t be that hapless NTR victim; be an alpha male. Take her hand, dismiss the guys coolly. You’ll get boyfriend points, I promise.

Your role as support does not mean you’re being left out; instead, it means that she relies heavily on you. If she looks tired, offer her a Snickers bar or a drink or your shoulder to rest on. She’ll appreciate you. If she seems cold because her costume is revealing and you’re at a indoors convention with cold air conditioning, cover her with your jacket. That’s alpha as fuck. If you find that her props are off-balance or need slight adjusting and she can’t do it by herself, take the initiative. It’s the little things that count (nope, not a penis joke).

If you’re really afraid that she’ll prefer that guy who is hitting on her, seriously, just let her go. If she really were girlfriend material, she wouldn’t be with you in the first place. The key here is to keep a cool mind devoid of negative assumptions. 

Let me share a short story. At an event, my girlfriend entered a competition with another guy. They spent a lot of time together crafting costumes, devising choreography, composing BGM, all that work you need to pull off a spectacular performance. Part of that choreography involved an amount of hugging, since they were cosplaying as a character couple. When I discovered it had hugging, my knee-jerk reaction was to reprimand her. But, I didn’t let my knee-jerk reaction from pure jealousy appear. I realized that her cosplay life and private life are separate. It wasn’t her hugging the guy, it was her character. Keep that in mind.

Anyway, it would seem that that guy had a crush on my girlfriend, so being the malicious asshole I am, I told her to feed him false hopes. He was crushed afterwards. Muahahahaha!

Her Problems are Yours, too

It’s not the Indonesian cosplay landscape if there’s no drama. Your girlfriend might also be involved in some. And inevitably, you, as her boyfriend, would need to start caring at some point.

Be a good listener when she vents on the drama she’s involved in, be it a scam, a backhanded compliment, friends quarreling, or any bullshit it may be. You might not know it, but she looks to you as a partner because well, if she can’t rely on you, who can she rely on? Also, if you really feel that you’re going to be entrapped in a long sequence of tiring drama, you can always try to maintain a seemingly neutral position, like act as her adviser or something. Just never abandon her when she needs you most. As a wise man once said, “A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on”.

And if things get physical (in a bad way), let’s hope those martial arts lessons in high school help…

You’re Allowed to Take Control from Time to Time

Perhaps you’re one of those permissive people who allows your girlfriend to dress as whatever she likes? Me too. I believe my girlfriend has every right to cosplay as whatever she wants. But, I have some limits too. I would remind her if her costumes of choice are too revealing and give suggestions as to when and where she should wear them. Of course, I also tell her of the possible consequences of wearing said costume, especially in this conservative society. I’m sure if she’s in the same boat as you, she’d understand your concerns. Some costumes were meant for public consumption, others not so.

But if she insists, remember that you also have the right to intervene. Just do it professionally, not through a tantrum or the silent treatment. Also, don’t let your assertion become your downfall. Remember, she’s your girlfriend, not your personal slave. She has her rights too. You can limit her but don’t go too far; in the end, she’s free to do whatever the fuck she wants to.

You’re Going to be Badgered 

My current girlfriend badgers me all the time to participate in her cosplay projects. Unfortunately, since I decided not to add more costumes to my collection (I’m running out of space in my room), I have to say “no” almost every time.

If you have the time and resources to spend, by all means, indulge her. You’ll certainly bond as a couple. You’re going to buy fabric together, craft together, perform together, have fun together; basically, not be a weeping loner in front of a laptop screen masturbating to 2D children.

If not, then don’t feel left out. You can always help her craft her costumes. If your hands aren’t dexterous enough, you can offer her suggestions based on what you know, like what materials should she use or what color fabric should she pick. If you’re that helpless, bring her snacks or crack jokes to keep her entertained when she’s crafting. Again, it’s the small things that count (still not a penis joke).

Your duties as a boyfriend summarized.



Having a cosplaying girlfriend is actually quite fun. Aside from the fact that she looks good in costume, her social interactions are what really test your merits as the boyfriend. In closing, let me summarize the things you need as a boyfriend of a cosplaying girl:

  • Control jealousy; she’s going to get hit on a lot, especially if she’s attractive
  • Maintain a cool head at all times
  • Don’t be a control-freak operating on false assumptions
  • Her problems are your; be supportive

And that concludes this post! Do you guys have any more tips or stories to offer?


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