It’s been three weeks since my trip to Japan and I’m still amazed at the amount of awesome stuff there that’s not exported to other countries. Well, some have been, like KitKat, but still, it’s hard to find them in Indonesia. With their economy also stagnant, I think it’s about time Japan beefed up their exports. Think outside the anime box; you have lots of cool shit the world needs. So, here’s my list of 4 things Japan should consider exporting more.
1. The multi-button toilet
Number one on the list is the first thing I shat in when I arrived at Narita airport. Oh god, those toilet seats do really warm your ass! Taking a shit has never been more comfortable.
The multi-button toilet is the pinnacle of shitting technology. It is an example how technology has come so far to accommodate mankind’s most basic of needs. With a push of a button, you can make flush sounds for those who prefer strangers to not hear their festering shit bombs hit the water, clean your ass with a stream of soothing warm water, and even save you the trouble of inhaling your deadly farts with a powerful deodorizer.
No wonder the Chinese buy them in bulk.
But such hi-tech stuff, when given to Indonesians, is akin to giving diamonds to a pig. Only the luxurious of places will have them installed, and when put in shopping malls or worse, public toilets, these hi-tech sanitation devices will surely meet their untimely demise due to abuse and neglect.
With a limited budget, I vowed to taste all of the snacks in Japan. I barely managed to scrape the surface.
Japan needs to focus their export efforts more on sweet stuff, like the multi-flavored KitKat bars, Oreos, and Pocky. Have you ever tasted matcha-cream Oreo? You should. It’s fucking heavenly. The same goes for almond-crush Pocky. It tastes like unicorn vomit. The demand for these snacks is high in Indonesia, and weebs will certainly dish out money for a taste of what the people in the Holy Land eat.
Of course, I worry about religious-based regulations altering the taste and composition of these snacks…
3. Vending machines
Japanese vending machines are by far, the best vending machines in the world. They stock all sorts of shit, from newspapers to cigars. They stock hot and cold drinks. They’re available almost everywhere and operate 24/7 without toilet breaks. And best of all, they give back exact change!
Ah the Japanese vending machine. The first beverage I bought was a bottle of delicious hot cocoa (160 yen). I put in a 500 yen coin and it gave me 340 yen coins in change! In Indonesia, you need to put in the exact amount of cash because it doesn’t give you change. As a result, not only are the drinks overpriced (to eliminate “odd” numbers), it’s a complete hassle to buy drinks. You’re better off buying them at a street vendor or a convenience store.
There are large risks of placing vending machines on the Indonesian streets, though. One, they’ll get destroyed by primitive fucks on the street. Two, they’ll put the “small people” (street vendors) out of work. Three, no sales, because nobody in Indonesia walks.
Japan’s obsession with science fiction has made it come up with extremely awesome ideas.
I’m telling you, Japan needs to mass-produce the HAL exoskeletons. They’ll become the dominant power on Earth, and we’ll all look like awesome cyborgs. Fuck you, frail human body and hello, augmentations! The HAL suits are also helpful for the disabled and physically challenged.
That’s my list of shit Japan needs to export more. Got any more? I’ll make another list soon.