Variants of Weebs on the Net

We are all familiar with the term “weeaboo”. It’s basically a Japanophile, or a person that masturbates to pictures of the great country of Japan and all it stands for. Their typical characteristics include, but are not limited to: showing cancerous interest for Japan and its pop culture, expressing said interest through the use of poor pidgin Japanese and horrible slang, obsessively dissing everything that’s not made in Japan, obnoxious ranting on how Japan is better than every country on Earth,  and melodramatically cursing the fact that they didn’t score “Japan” on the birth roulette. But did you know that there’s not only one variant of weeaboo on the Internet? So here, have a list that may and will be offensive to a lot of people.

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1. The Koreaboo

Similar to weeaboos, the Koreaboo is basically that one person who is obsessed about anything related to Korea. And by Korea, I don’t mean the one that has all the nukes. It’s the other one, the Korea that has the highest and most ridiculous beauty standards in Asia. “Annyeong haseo” is their bread and butter which they abuse in similar fashion to pidgin Japanese of weeaboos.The Koreaboo will almost always bitch about anything related to girl- and boy-bands. If they’re a chick, they’ll be masturbating to photos of G-Dragon, Changmin, or whatever the fuck group of androgynous boys are popular in the market. For guys, they’ll be masturbating to pictures of SNSD… or basically any photo of a nude Korean girl. But what makes me cringe from this fandom is the amount of bullshit fanfiction made by hopeless romantics who have gang-rape fantasies and homosexual intercourse fetishes. And what’s worse, these fanfics are published by major bookstores and passed on as “teen literature”. God, please deliver me from crappy fanfiction written by annoying Koreaboos.

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2. The Teaboo

Pronounced “TEE-a-boo” with a British accent. This group of motherfuckers love jacking off to anything related to the UK. Or as they call it, the Holy Land of One Direction. Their prominent attributes include Union Jack patterns on books, shirts, and whatever apparel they wear; posting dreams of travelling to the UK and drinking afternoon tea with Her Majesty; constant whining of their lack of a British accent; a severe fetish of a British accent; and extreme obssession of tea. Everything about the UK is great according to these misfits; save for the terrible Underground, the constant rain and gloomy weather, and the exorbitant prices of food and housing. Heck, the only reason why these assholes love the UK is because of Harry Potter, One Direction, and Doctor Who. What a bunch of wanks.

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3. The Wahaboo

I know the Middle East is the birthplace of Islam, but it’s also the birthplace of Judaism and Jesus Christ. The Wahaboo, a portmanteau of Wahhabism and weeaboo, is that one person that loves bitching on about how the Arabs are number one and why America must pay for its sins towards the Arabs. These camelfuckers love wearing fucking burkas and those Arab guy robes, even when it’s 40 degress Celsius outside. Everything about Saudi is great, save for the fact that women still get neutered and have no rights. A more radical version of the Wahaboo are those jack-offs that, though they have never experienced life under a Sharia law, desperately crave to live under said system to the extent that they insist on importing said system into their countries by any means necessary. Or in other words, ISIS sympathizers. Fuck them.

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4. The Russoboo

Dasvidaniya!” You know these people. These are the people who love to adopt Russian names and glorify the one and only Vladimir Putin and communism. These fucking Red Army wannabes think that Mother Russia is the greatest in the world, and that everything has to be written in Russian. They display a stunning level of intelligence and tenacity when it comes to discussing communism and the things Russians did during the Second World War on internet forums. Their dreams are to travel to the desolate Moscow, meet Putin (and maybe fuck with him), and have chats about Trotsky, Lenin, and Stalin over copious amounts of vodka until they merit enough criminal offences to be thrown into a gulag, where they will become a Russian badass like the ones you see in movies. Or thrown into the Siberian wilderness and be mauled by bears.

So those are the variants of weeaboos, other than Japanophiles, you’ll see on the Internet. If you got more, please add them.

 

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